In our never-ending quest to drink heavily and lose money in casinos throughout the world, the Broads are off to The Atlantis in the Bahamas.  We will report back with our hotel and restaurant reviews upon our return next week.

It’s 20 degrees in Boston today so the thought of 80 degrees in the Bahamas is perking us right up.  Needless to say, if you have any suggestions as to where we should dine or what we should do, please let us know.  The Atlantis looks like a freakin Caribbean Disney. And they charge you for everything — 10 cents for air, two bucks to walk the beach.   Should be interesting — this Broad hates to part with her money for nothing so I may be cranky.  But hey…sun, rum drinks…bring it on.  Although do I have to say what the thought of wearing a bathing suit is doing to me?  Driving me to eat more of course!! Bon Voyage.  Speak with everyone soon!!  janet 

            Because yesterday’s show (listen to it in our show archives on the homepage) focused on eating, dieting, food and why so few of us are happy with our bodies, I thought my commentary…A Broad’s Eye View…should address this topic in some way.  So here are My Top Six Excuses why I can’t possibly start my diet today…
            

            Number One.  It’s almost Daylight Savings Time.  I can’t possibly begin dieting when we’re turning the clocks back in just a matter of days.  To me, daylight savings time is all about eating.  It’s dark at 4pm.  It’s cold. Bring on the mac and cheese…extra mac, extra cheese.  And bring me a blanket, would ya?
            

            Number Two.  I have a pimple. All bets are off.  Any woman over 45 who looks in the mirror and sees the same blemishes she fought off in her teens is guaranteed to turn to a box of ho-hos for comfort.  Who wouldn’t and who could blame her.
            

            Number Three.  It’s Monday.  How many sad songs have been written about Monday and I’m not even getting into rainy days and Mondays.  Starting a diet on Monday is very difficult.  The realization that the weekend is over and the work week has begun is reason enough to bury your head in a bag of cheetos.  Of course, with Cheetos you can rationalize..it’s cheese, that’s calcium…and they’re puffed..so how bad can they be?
            

            Number Four.  Its Halloween.  Christmas.  Kwanzaa. Purim.  Doesn’t really make a difference, does it?  If someone somewhere is celebrating a special holiday how can you do anything but toast them with a box of mallomars?
            

            Number Five.  Game’s on!  I mean honestly…it’s impossible to start a diet when we’re all gathered around the boob tube watching football, baseball, basketball…mindlessly munching and cheering the hometown team.   And trust me..if you really want to avoid dieting you can always find a game on some cable channel somewhere.  Cock fights in Brazil?  Gimme a ring-ding.  Camel races in Saudi Arabia.  Chips and dip for everyone!
            

            Number Six.  I’m just not myself.  You know the feeling.  You wake up…you’re out of sorts.   You’re not you’re usual self.  How can you possibly begin a diet and change yourself if you don’t even know who you are?
            

            There you have it.  A menu of reasons why that diet won’t be starting today.  And I wouldn’t surprised if something comes up tomorrow that might also kibosh the start of the new me.  Janet!

Well…it’s not easy to write today.  What the heck was Bill Belichik thinking about when he decided that he would get a leg up by videotaping his opponents on the sideline???  Makes me sick to my stomach.  Barry Bonds has an asterisk and now my beloved Patriots have an asterisk.  Sigh.  Hopefully the upcoming Sox/Yankees series will perk me up.  If the Yanks sweep you’ll find me on a ledge somewhere with a bottle of Grey Goose.  Anyway…

Interesting times for us boomers.  I was intrigued to see that the boomer website Eons.com let a lot of its staff go.  Founder Jeff Taylor spoke of refocusing and honing the site to be the social networking community he envisions.  let’s keep an eye on that.  Personally, I want all boomer-oriented ventures to succeed.  On Boomer Broads with Attitude we’re always saying that we boomers are underserved…and why don’t the media and corporate america wake up to our power?  Yet..so many ventures…like the Gap’s Fourth and Towne adult woman’s clothing division…just don’t make it.  Let’s hope Eons does.  And let’s hope Ann Taylor gets it right with its new boomer clothes division.  Let’s hope they know that we don’t want dowdy, we don’t want boring…we just don’t want the clothes you’d find at Bebe or other youth-geared retailers.  Believe me, you do not want to see Janet Prensky in a tight halter top with my belly hanging out.  Would make ya sicker than Bill Belichick’s making me!!  Speak with you soon.  Next weeks show’s going to look at the latest innovations in women’s health and cancers..going to speak to some inspirational survivors.  Call us!!

I wanted my Broad’s Eye View to be relevant to the topic of the Aug. 30 show - so today’s Top Ten will be The Top Ten Jobs I am 100% NOT Qualified to Do.

Number ONE –  Restaurant Chef – Now, you would expect someone of my age,  50, to be able to cook…I’m not talking world class cooking..we’re talking like roasting a chicken.  Well…expect away, my friend.  Unless you count a toasted bagel as cooking you’ve got the wrong broad.  I am truly in awe of people who can cook..particularly those who don’t follow a recipe and say things like..you don’t need a recipe…you’ll know when the cake is done just by looking at it, just by feeling it.  No I won’t!  I don’t how to feel a cake.  And I don’t want to…

Number TWO – Interior Designer – Nothing irritates me more than those people who say…oh I found this table on the side of the road last Thursday and restored it over the weekend and now it’s going to be featured in Town & Country!  Restored it over the weekend?    I watched TV over the weekend.  No hope I’ll be landing a job in the design industry…

Number THREE – Gardener — Which way do you plant the bulb? Is there a top and a bottom?  How do you transplant?  What’s a root ball?  And why’s a root ball? And is there any way to do all this without getting so dirty?  No hope there either!

Number FOUR – Handyman – There’s really nothing handy about me.  If my sink is clogged I usually just wring my hands and scream “why me.”   Drapes need to be put up?…call the drape put upper.  Need to install that new door knob?  Hello Knobs R Us.

Number FIVE – Personal Shopper.  This is a real knee slapper.  I absolutely cannot and do not shop.  Much of what I wear is given to me…often out of pity..at any and every holiday.  I’m one of the few people that gets clothes as a gift for Rosh Hashonah.  But my loved ones know I need them so I get them!  The concept of actually shopping for others is just too crazy!

Number SIX – A Fruit Salesperson.  I have fruit issues.  I hate bananas.  I’m banana-phobic.  Orange juice pulp is an enigma to me.  When they came out with Extra Pulp OJ, I had to seek therapy.  And as for mealy apples, bruised peaches and dried out tangerines…well.  Someone help me.  The thought of working with fruit on a daily basis would be madness…pure madness.

There you have it!  A broad’s eye view.  The Top Ten things I will certainly not be doing for a living…and..as always…it’s not quite ten because with the brain issues we broads have, who can remember the rest?

Every week on www.VoiceAmerica.com on Thursday at 6pm EST “Boomer Broads with Attitude” is on your computer! And during our hour of mayhem we each deliver a commentary…Anne-Marie’s is called “Nobody Asked…But!” and mine is called “A Broad’s Eye View”. On our first show on the internet, I thought it apropos to present My Broads Eye View on my favorite websites…

Here are some of the sites I log onto to get my daily cyber fix:

Number ONE. Webmd.com For the hypochondriacs among us, this site is a godsend. As Anne-Marie knows, I assume everything’s cancer. Pimple? Melanoma. Sore throat. Cancer of the larynx. Funny ache in my leg. Bone cancer. If it wasn’t for WebMD assuring me that my stuffed nose is a cold and not nasal carcinoma I don’t what I’d do.
Number TWO. Scrabulous.com. If Nora Ephron is listening and I know she is..you are to blame. Nora wrote a piece in the NY Times basically announcing that she had lost months of her life to this scrabble website and that the addiction was akin to crystal meth. Well, you would have thought that would have kept me away…but oh no…because of my addictive personality I had to check and see what’s the big deal. Well that was three months ago and I think I now have carpal tunnel from computer mouse overuse. It’s a terrible waste of time and I can’t wait to get off the air and play again.

Number THREE I love ebay.com. I spent five hours on the site one day and bought a two dollar Marx brothers refrigerator magnet. I was giddy. What a find. Granted, it cost five dollars to send but who cares I won the bid!!

Number FOUR. DWLZ.com or Dotti’s Weight Loss Zone. Dotti is something. She’s lost 100 pounds. She’s gained 60 back. She’s lost another 45. It is dizzying to follow the trials and tribulations of Dotty. But her site has calorie and weight watcher point analysis of basically every restaurant in America. Nothing more depressing than logging onto Dotty and finding out that buffalo chicken sandwich you just had has the caloric equivalent of six sticks of butter.

Number FIVE. Zillow.com – the ultimate site for nosy people like me! You can plug in anyone’s address and find out exactly what their home is worth. So handy when you’re going out to lunch with someone and wondering who should pick up the check. Uh..this lunch is one you, Mr. 2.1-million dollar 4 br ranch on Long Island!

There you have it. My top ten internet sites, not including of course theboomerbroads.com. You may note, it’s only five…but with boomer memories being what they are..all of our top tens will be eight, maybe seven..sometimes six. Who can remember all ten?

Janet

For two women who just recently mastered email, it is shocking to think that we’ve landed on internet radio.  But…here we are!  Listen to us every Thursday…6pm EST…3pm PST…on www.voiceamerica.com   You’ll laugh, you’ll cry.  Or you’ll laugh, we’ll cry.  This week’s show features the Publisher of More Magazine, Brenda Saget Darling.  Love the magazine and it gives us broads hope that a successful media entity can truly thrive by talking to and about the adult woman.  The following Thursday, the 23rd, we’re having Newsweek writer Barbara Kantrowitz who also wrote the book “Is it Me..Or is it Hot in Here?”!!  Ladies..we are dragging menopause out of the closet!!!!

We’ve been trying to figure out what the best way to communicate with fellow boom-ettes everywhere would be and we’ve decided on internet radio.  That’s right…radio on your computer…welcome to the 21st century!  That way everyone everywhere can hear us on their computers and their pdas.  All you iphone owners can now listen to us with that damn thing pressed to your ear! (pay no attention to me…I’m just envious!)

We launch at www.voiceamerica.com on Thursday, August 9th at 6pm EST. Then they replay us 12 hours later at 6am EST on the 10th.   We’re excited to get back on the air and talk about money, lack of money, sex, not enough sex, jobs, hate my job, finding a man, who needs the bum…well, you get the idea!  Tune us in.  Don’t make me beg.  janet

Because we boomers are sadly inexperienced when it comes to the world of blogging I just noticed that the last time I blogged was months and months ago.  Pathetic!  But..dammit that’s going to change.  For those of you wondering what “the broads” have been up to, allow me to tell you.  We’re in talks with a couple of media outlets…both VoiceAmerica internet radio and Boston.tv, an internet television site…kind of like a professional “you tube.” (see how hip I’m getting?)  We’re planning on being back in the media world in a couple of months…once we’ve enjoyed a little respite over the Memorial Day weekend.  Hey..you know the saying..all work and no play…!  So, as soon as we know what’s next, I’ll put it in the blog.  In the meantime, Anne-Marie and I have been continuing with our public relations and marketing business…we have some great clients:  Shaw’s Supermarkets, iParty Stores, Panera Bread in Boston, The Pinehills, which is a fantastic masterplanned community here in Massachusetts, Vespera Development out of Connecticut, the American Camp Assn, NewEngland and many, many more.  Keeps us busy and lord knows out of trouble.  In addition Anne-Marie has just sold a home, bought a home and is renovating said bought home.  She’s quite cranky, needless to say.  And who could blame her.  Back to you fellow boomers…soon!

Hi everyone!  We’re taking a mini-break this month!  We’re going to switch from a broadcast to a podcast during December so that we can have our weekends back for..what else..shopping!  Well, at least Anne-Marie will be shopping.  I’ll probably be eating.  Hate to Shop!

Our December 3rd show took a look at advertising and how it seems that we are the forgotten demo.  In line with that, here was my “Broads Eye View” from that show:

With the show taking a good hard look at advertising and marketing to the boomer.  I thought, as a boomer, that I’d take a look back at some of my favorite television ads from my youth.  So here are the Top Seven Best TV ads and TV ad icons from the 60s and 70s….

Number ONE…Madge for Palmolive Liquid Detergent.  One of the original boomer broads with attitude.  That Madge took no guff. “Dip those fingers in detergent and stop complaining!”  You didn’t argue with Madge – if she told you to dip those fingers in mayonnaise, you would have done it…a true broad.

Number TWO…Any of the great Alka Seltzer commercials of the 70s. – “Try it You’ll Like It”…”I can’t Believe I ate the Whole Thing”…and my absolute favorite…the one with the wife reading outlandish, disgusting recipes like “Marshmallowed Meatballs” and sending her husband u-turning back to the bathroom with each one.   And hats off to their jingle writer…plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is…was there a better jingle?

Number THREE…Who could forget the brilliant Wendy’s commercial with the three little old ladies lifting the huge bun to reveal that teeny, weeny burger.  And the littlest of three in her orthopedic shoes staring into that big bun and bellowing “Where’s the beef”.  I know she’s dead now…probably high chlotesorel from all that meat..but she is not forgotten.

NUMBER FOUR.  Mounds and Almond Joy.  Because sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don’t.  Were truer words ever spoken?  And…by the way…I always feel like a nut.

NUMBER FIVE.  Another boomer broad before her time.  Let’s not forget the great Chiffon Margarine commercials…a pastoral scene with mother nature enjoying her bread and butter but the announcer tells her, it’s not butter, it’s chiffon. This peeves her. Suddenly a crash of thunder, the animals scurry and she scowls…”It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature.”  You better believe it.

NUMBER SIX.  I hope I’m not the only one that loved the Purina Cat Chow…Chow, Chow, Chow feline chorus line commercials.  Weren’t they fun? In fact all the animal commercials – Charlie the Tuna, the Trix rabbit…do I even have to say Tony the Tiger and those little puppies for Puppy Chow.  I’m a sucker for a puppy.  You put a puppy in the driver’s seat of a Mercedes or in a pair of Levi’s and I’m buying.

NUMBER SEVEN.  And this is really dredging up one from the past.  Who remembers the Hai Karate after shave lotion commercials.  An average guy in glasses knocks on the door and a Marilyn Monroe look-a-like bombshell answers the door, takes a whiff and karate chops her couch, chairs and kitchen table in half and then throws herself at the Clark Kent wannabe.  The announcer murmurs “Hai Karate…instructions for self-defense with every bottle.”  It’s TIVO worthy, I tell ya!

I couldn’t end without my personal vote for the Worst ad ever?  Oh, that’s easy.  It has to be the current Pepto Bismol TV commercials with the nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea dance.  Who in their right mind came up with this and what crack-head approved it?  Do I need to see people burping, in obvious discomfort, wiggling their rear end.  I see enough of that everyday at work!!!!

janet

Hi everyone!  Janet here.  On October 11th I turned 50.  Good lord.  How did that happen?! Since I’ve turned 50, I’ve found that statements I made in my teens, 20s, 30s, and 40s have taken on entirely new meanings.  So…here you have my Top Ten phrases that spoken by a 50 year old mean something markedly different than when spoken by someone younger.  And of course, as much as I shoot for a Top Ten…it will be always be a Top Seven..boomer memories are so bad…those last two or three excape me everytime.

Number One.  Ouch, that hurts.  Now, when we were young…a ball hit our way that landed where it shouldn’t. Ouch, that hurts.  When we were teens and went on a date and heard, “you look good, but that pimple on your chin.”  Ouch, that hurts.  Now.  Get out of bed.  Ouch, that hurts.  Brush my teeth.  Ouch, that hurts.  Look in mirror..see pimple on chin.  Ouch, that really hurts.

Number Two.  What did you say?  When we were younger this was like a threat.  You talking to me.  Who did you think you’re talking to?  What did you say?  Now it’s simply…Huh, what did you say?  I can’t hear a thing.  Did you say something?  Is that you?

Number Three.  What’s for dinner?  In the good old days, this was a question asked about four, five o’clock when it hit us that dinnertime was in fact coming and people ate at dinnertime…so maybe we should pick some food up at the store and whip something together.  Now, at 50…this question immediately follows breakfast.  We’ve barely wiped that last vestige of egg off our upper lip…when we panic.  When will I eat again?

Number Four.   When’s the baby due?  Innapropriate statements asked of overweight people are a way of life for boomers.  We don’t think anymore.  We don’t get embarrassed like we used to when we were young. We see someone with a little paunch and we just jump to conclusions.   Also popular.  Is that dirt on your hand?  It’s usually an age spot?  Or let me just wipe that off your chin.  It’s usually a hair.  All of this explains why the posse of friends we had in our youth has dwindled to a couple of acquaintances we see once or twice a year. Max.

Number Five.  Do I look fat in this?  The answer is yes.  It used to be no.  The answer is now yes.

Number Six.  What’s on the menu tonight?  Here’s a phrase we’ve used for years in restaurants when the waiter stops by to greet us.  You know..what’s hot…what’s chef making that’s innovative?  Now, we bring four pairs of glasses with us and still have not a clue what’s literally printed on the menu tonight so we need to bring younger people with us just to read to us.  Or we can just order salmon..

Number Seven.  Anyone want to go to the movies?  This used to be simple.  Gather up a bunch of friends..head to the theatre..buy some popcorn..watch a movie.  Now..it’s okay..should we buy the tickets ahead of time online or risk standing on line?  Where are we going to park?  Should you drop me off ahead of time so I can stand in line while you park?  Should we buy popcorn there or pre-pop and bring with us?  Forget a foreign film..I need to sit in the front row for the subtitles and then my neck gets a crick.  And don’t forget we need to leave the second the credits roll, so we don’t caught in traffic.  Should we try for the half-price matinee and try to beat the dinner crowds?  And I won’t see anything with Tom Cruise..he’s a psychotic madman.    By the time this haz-a-rye is over, we’ve missed the movie entirely and suddenly we’re staring at a rerun of Law and Order.

There you have it.  It truly is a brave new world, this fifty thing.  But appearances to the contrary, it suits me.  That’s my  Broad’s Eye View on 50!!

janet