Yes, it’s Christmas. Better known as the Big Fat Holiday. Preceded by Hannukah. Better known as Eight Days of Chubbiness. First the latkes, the sour cream, the kugel, the applesauce. And we haven’t even gotten to the entree. What’s a boomer to do?
We all know that at this age it only takes an extra dollop of cream in your coffee to put on a pound. The holidays are just the cruelest of the cruel. Are we doomed? Well…not this year. We’re determined! Determined to only gain a pound or so and pray that a good pee-pee in the New Year will take care of that.
Here are some tips from the Broads on how to maintain your weight over the holidays:
1. When serving the big holiday meals, put the appetizers, entrees and desserts in separate rooms. This way you and your guests will be forced to exercise by going from room to room over the course of the meal. By dessert, you may be sweaty, but you may also look slimmer than when you started! Well worth the B.O.!
2. Wear your skinny jeans. With that tight waistband digging into your flabby belly, how in heavens name can you eat that cream puff? A nice second choice is a tight button down shirt with the chest area popping open for all to see. Even a crudite will seem like too much.
3. Post a photo of your Weight Watchers leader on your fridge. It’s like God looking down on you and clucking her tongue when you get near the egg nog. This really works. Ever run into your leader when you’re out at a restaurant? You immediately say to the waiter, “I said ’steamed veggies’ not ‘extra cheese pizza’. What’s wrong with your hearing??”
4. Don’t drink so much. Forget this one. We’re looking for realistic suggestions and that’s just silly.
5. Enjoy everything but just a bite or two of it all. It’s called discipline. The Broads don’t have it, by maybe you do.
Well, we were going to give you a top ten but our stomachs are growling. It’s been an hour since breakfast. Time for a snackie-poo. The Broads are loving the “grazing” concept that’s all the rage these days. Hasn’t done a thing for our waistlines, but we’re just so much happier and nicer to be around.
So…Happy Big Fat Holiday and Eight Days of Chubbiness from your ever-growing Broads!
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